on thirty

 after the socal sun post

challenge.

love.

friendship.

drinks.

sleeps.

flights.

fights.

agreements.

trust.

knowledge.

truth.

i wanted to write this post on thirty when i turned thirty. or before i turned thirty. then i realized i wouldn't know what thirty was until i'd felt it through my own skin. but now i'm sure i don't know what thirty is. thirty is a million things. thirty is stretching. learning. coming to terms. saying good bye. saying i miss you. saying hello. growing professionally. growing in the family way. it's trusting a long distance relationship. it's putting in the effort. it's being there for friends, for people i only know through this blogosphere. it's being creative.

it's getting off my ass and taking care of myself. it's meeting challenges head on. it's not the same as being 23 and put in a challenging situation, or of being 18. it's a different kind of feeling when faced with a challenge. a more self-assured scared. the kind of scared where you know you've faced meaner demons and come out alive but not unscathed.

i guess thirty is knowing where my balls are. knowing when i don't have the balls, and knowing who's balls i can borrow. thirty has been a good seven and a half months so far. it's been hard at times. but i trust myself and my core peeps. a funny post or a rambling post about the things that scare me the most haven't hurt.