"family"

i put it in quotation marks because it means so many different things to each person. it means three things to me, all of which have shaped me. i guess i could say i've had three kinds of families, each of which shaped me to what i am today.


there's the one i was born with. the one i saw at birthdays and christmases and weekends and school plays. anniversaries, just becauses, reunions, and thanksgivings. sleep-overs, backyards, beach gang time, movies, and when my mom just "needed a break". the one i came back to and held me.


there's the one that we don't speak of. the one with meetings and prunings, group discussions about children's discipline. the one that shunned birthdays and thanksgivings and school plays (shun is too gentle a word). the one that demanded time and money and the death of your soul, the death of independent thought and the crushing of independent worth. the one that claimed family but would leave you in the cold and the dark. the one that amputated families.


then there's the one i made for myself without realizing it. the one with shoulders and hands and arms. the unconditional kind that i didn't think was possible. the one of people that aren't required by last name or family tree to be there, but choose to be there. every day. the one i go to to laugh, to cry, to vent, to drink, to love and be loved. the one i don't have to remember to bring a gift to. the just because one. the one i would fight for. the one i fight with. i don't fight with my other families. this family will be there no matter what. this is the one that is there after a fight, for a fight, that is always in my corner. the one that tells me how it is, even when i don't want to hear it. the one that tells me when i'm crazy or when i'm right.