i wanted to come home to you and tell you my secrets.

instead, i made tea and thought about all the secrets we shared over a decade ago.  all those whispers in the dark.

which didn't help any.

and then i googled "why people shouldn't date when newly sober".

and then i read.  and it made sense.

and then i sipped more tea and went back to my book.

still, you linger.  and i wonder. and imagine those words coming out of my mouth.

what do i even want? is it even fair?  it can't be fair.  it's not fair. i shouldn't.

this is stupid.  is it stupid?