amputation

 How do you heal from the amputation of a part of you? As I type that I know in my heart what it is. 

This is more than losing a limb or two limbs or all limbs. This is losing part of my dna; part of my actual soul. 

When I read her email, it didn’t seem true. But I knew it was. I didn’t feel rage. I felt absolute and complete overwhelming sadness. It was like the breath was ripped from my body. My head felt full and 

I read it out loud to my aunt and cried. This couldn’t be true. 

I thought of all the pills in my bathroom. They were colorful candies in jars. I thought about writing my book. I didn’t feel like writing at all. It was gone. Only the image of the pills filled my head. 

I was afraid of them.